Busy Bodied Spirits
by karu0792
Summary: Despite what others of the fade claim, there are still those who wish to help humans, elves, dwarves and the like. When a powerful fade spirit chooses to become human for a lifetime, she finds there is much more to herself and and the other spirits then she cared to discover.
1. Prolouge

As spirits, my friends and I were the odd ones out. We watched the humans bumble along, and despite knowing how their every moved would end, I would still find myself hoping for the worst to not happen. Imperious and I were the only ones whom had kept our names of my group of spirits, whereas the others preferred to be known as a more vague name. Justice, Love, and Faith. Justice was less a friend and more a mutual understanding. We both disliked things that happened below us, the blatant slavery of nearly half the population many times over the course of so many years, but where I accepted fate, Justice would refuse anything but that, justice to the just. Faith and I both had favorite humans, mine a young man who was in love with a noble woman, destined to have a child of stillbirth, hers a powerful healer, and kind hearted woman, whom she had been watching since she was a child.

Imperious and I were the only ones who felt we could change something, and so one night we fled the fade, desperate to help the population. I gave my life to save the dead child in the noble woman's womb, and became the child of Malcolm and Leandra hawke. I knew that without giving up my divinity, I would not be able to stop corruption, as I knew Justice would face years from now. As my divinity left me, I clinged to my knowledge, but when my spirit was finally one with the childs, it all left me.


	2. City of Chains

Just so you guys know, I just wrote these out, with little time. future chapters will be at least 4000 words long, and will only be in one point of view at a time after this.

* * *

Perhaps, it was not my greatest of ideas to become human. I no longer had at least three quarters of my knowledge. I could now only visit my home in my dreams, and even then it was black, and twisted. Had I known what my friend and I were getting into... No, it was the right thing to do, despite having to grow inside the body of another, despite being completely helpless for nearly twelve years.

Imperious kept some of his otherworldly powers and was born as a mage. He was thrown into the Circle of Magi in Ferelden, but was lucky to be able to rename himself his true name.

I was not so lucky.

My birth name is Amaryllis, named for my mother's only Ferelden friend. I can no longer remember what I was named before, nor what my purpose was in the fade. I cannot shape the world around me as I once could, though the things I do remember seem no more then a vague dream.

Now I sit on a boat, my sister curled into my side, shivering from the damp in the hull, and my mother staring out at the sun. My head aches and my fingers itch to grip my daggers and throw one through the eye of the letch eyeing my sister. I settled for an unnerving glare. Father had said that I had the most unusual eyes, 'eyes of a mage' he would say, though the pale, almost white, blue of my irises never made me unnerved, some of the people I had met would swear I was some sort of ghost.

I knew I had kept this color eye for a reason, and that, while still in control of the fade and its wonders, had done something to myself so that I would remember.

I had not considered how tramatic birth would actually be. I had only the knowledge that I was different, yet not a mage, until I had met the witch of the wilds. As I watched her read my families future, I had begun to remember.

I felt alone, really. I could not tell Bethany that I was once a spirit of the fade, nor could I tell mother. I could tell no one, at least until I knew more about it myself. For I fear I may be imagining this crazy story.

* * *

The fact that I did not reaize just how long I had been on the run meant little to me. Hiding away in rivain had been a bad idea, as it is hard to steal from pirates, but good, as it was easy to blend in with all of the people with tattoos. I had moved on, and not a day later I had heard that the small village I had stayed in had been sacked, many killed, and others taken into slavery.

Despite it being a death wish, or maybe because of that, I turned back. In the end I killed the slavers, though I was unable to save more than half of that villages population. I had to move on.

Kirkwall seemed a good place to hide. The refugees from the blight in ferelden caused chaos, and the mass amount of templars could help in keeping me hidden. What good would it do that a magister be caught by the templars, especially when all his coin was being spent on multiple small armies to find a single slave?

Yes. Kirkwall would be good. Perhaps I can steal enough coin, and learn enough about the area to hire some mercenaries to help me for the time being, and perhaps even do some mercenary work myself. I would take a few months to gather my sources, but first I would find a meal.

* * *

Anders would be a good host. His knowledge of the fade and of justice would only enhance me, I had told Faith when I saw her, just as Wynne is one for you.

I had seen her eyes flare with that of the fade, though I was sure that I was the only one who had seen it. She was protective of her human mage, had been, since she took notice nearly fifty years ago. After the Comander and Anders had left to go and find Nathaniel, we spoke of ourselves again. She spoke outloud to me, something I thought useless, considering we could speak without words to each other. She told me my friend was too angry and he would corrupt me, but she did not know him as I did. She could not.

She then asked after our older friends. I told her that Imperious and Itherael were still missing, but last I knew Love was still in our home. Faith shook her head in Wynnes body and said "Do you not see? He is the commander. Our friend was born human."

Impossible, I had thought, no right headed fade spirit would toss away everything about them to become human. She had been corrupted by her own faith in herself.

On the trip to Kirkwall I felt myself smile. I was right, Anders enhanced me, made me what I once was. I watched as he helped those in need, and without pay. I noticed how I helped him. I made him more focused. Stronger. He had less need to play with things he could sleep with. He now had a purpose, and he loved it.

Then, there was a spirit presence in the clinic. I could feel the power rolling off of her. Anders will held out long enough to finish healing the boy, who happily left as soon as he awoke, then I turned his body, gripping his- my staff and turned.

"I have made this a place of healing and salvation, who are you to challenge it?"


	3. Suspect Characters, and Odd Alliances

AMARYLLIS

I sneered at the mage, but held up my hands in surrender. "We just want some maps, and heard you were the man to talk to." I replied "no need to get mage-y on me"

"Mage-y?" He asked after a moment of calming down. "I'm not sure whether to feel offended or not."

"You can choose how you feel as you like. Anywho, my friends and I are planning an expedition to the deep roads, and we need some maps. Word is you are a grey warden. True?" I drilled

"My word is always good Hawke. Of course he's the grey warden." Varric cut in.

The mage seemed glad for the distraction "A dwarf that doesn't smell like a brewery, and no beard. You must be the famous Varric. Word is you've got fingers in everybodies pies."

"The maps?" I asked again

"It'll be too soon if I never go in the deep roads again, and I have no interest in helping you." He turned away, for a moment then followed with, "however,"

"How did I guess?" I said to Varric, who snorted.

"If you could help me with a little problem, I could give you the maps." Anders crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't do anything involving children or animals." I instantly replied. Reign, my hound, wuffed softly beside me. I scratched his ears, cooing a bit.

Anders eyed me carefully. "You'll be glad to know it involves neither then. The reason I came to Kirkwall s because an old friend of mine, Karl, has stopped returning my correspondence. He's a mage in the gallows, and I fear the worst for him. Then, a week ago I got a note from him saying to meet him in the chantry. Tonight."

"And you need back up." Varric added.

"Exactly so. Being a mage in Kirkwall is not easy, and since the Wardens no longer back me, I have no protection from the templars." He walked over to a rusty sink, and washed his hands, shaking them dry.

"I will help you," I said, noting the look that Bethany gave me. One that said she didn't trust this guy, and we should watch ourselves. I subtly made a hand gesture for stand down. He simply nodded to us, and rushed us out of his clinic.

"now if you don't mind I have patients to attend to, I will see you at the chantry tonight."

* * *

The chantry was a disaster. Bodies were strewn about the hall, vases and furniture broken and scattered, books without pages lay on the ground, their pages peppering the floor.

Oh, and Anders was some sort of fade spirit, and not one who meant well.

Anders had disappeared after felling Karl, and after leaving Beth at home, I walked with Varric to the hanged man to drop him off. Though it seemed our night would not settle down, as I met a pirate woman by the name of Isabella after she beat the tar out of several drunkards. I talked with her a bit, and decided I could help her with her problem as well, but more because she seemed a good ally, then for any other favor, which she seemed slightly saddened by.

I walked to the clinic by myself, keeping to the shadows as not to get robbed. Though after my year with Athenril, many tried to avoid me. When I arrived to the clinic I noted the doors had been closed, but not held there by magic. Likely so the Templars would take no notice. I picked the lock easily, it was cheap and not well built, and decided that I would make one for him, one that couldn't be picked.

He was on edge, likely due to hearing me pick his lock. He stood there, staff raised and ready to fire before he noticed who I was. "Oh, its you." He said angrily. "Come to put the demon out of his misery?"

"Perish the thought." I joked, then more seriously. "I am here to hear answers to my questions really."

"Ask away, I assume it is good that you haven't run screaming or that you haven't killed me."

"Luck more like," I murmured. Then, louder, "Who are you?"

"I am Anders, Grey Warden, Mage."

"Not you, Your passenger." I snapped

"He... Is a friend of mine, from my warden days. A spirit of Justice." Something clicked in my mind, but I ignored it for the time. " He said he could help me save the mages, but I fear my anger was to much for him to overcome, now whenever I see a templar I am filled with a blinding rage, and it takes everything in me not to kill them on the spot." His voice was thick with emotion, a sorrow that filled his heart wholly, and despite my initial dislike of him and his spirit, I respected the man's sorrow.

"I am sorry that happened, but I think you will learn to control it. You say you wish to help the mages, then do so. There are many who need help. But forget this not, Killing templars will only harm them more, and it is not just to drop that on them, even if you feel they deserve the vengence."

"I never thought of that, " He said, stroking the stubble on his chin. "And it makes sense and is reasonable, to sacrifice my anger for their good. Here." He turned and ran to get some papers "Here are your maps. Also, know that if you need me, I will help you."

"THank you Anders. I may take you up on that offer very soon actually. I could use a healer, and if you are willing, you could teach my sister." I waved to him, and left, closing the door behind me.

I was not sure how to feel about Anders. Deep inside I felt a small connection that I could not read. Perhaps I had known him previously? Met him when I was younger, in Ferelden perhaps? I could not recall. I did know that I would have to watch him closely. Something told me he was on the brink of insanity, though I doubted the possibility of him harming anyone. Spirit healers rarely did anything like that, my cousin had told me, as they hold a special connection to the wellbeing of others. Still, he needed to be watched and contained.

Perhaps I could also learn something from him, or Justice. Something told me he may know something about me, something that I could not grasp.

Walking past the docks I heard a noise, and I seamlessly stepped through the veil, concealing myself better than I could in just the shadows. I almost stepped out of it however, as I felt no threat when just a white haired elf walked by. I kept to the shadows though, when his head snapped in my direction, and his eyes nearly pierced my soul. I got a good look at the tattooed elf, and realized that he would be a terror in battle, if he could actually lift the sword on his back. After he passed I dropped by the hanged man to chat with Varric, and tell him my findings, before I went home, to sleep in my own straw filled mildew ridden, bed.

* * *

Two months since I met Isabella and Anders, and Already it seemed I knew everything about them. Isabella was flighty, She loved freedom, and went absolutely stir crazy if she was in one place for longer than a day, but she was stranded in Kirkwall, trying to find an artifact that she would not tell me about. She was also kind, and did what was morally correct if she could, like releasing a ship full of slaves where the only gain for her was trouble with Castillon. Anders was a different story. You could tell he was once really laid back, and had cared only for his own happiness. He had told me that at one point he only cared about his own freedom, and could care less if any other mage in the tower was freed, if they wanted freedom so bad, they could get it themselves, he said, after all he did escape seven times. Then he joined the wardens, and learning from caring for people's wellbeing in general, protecting them from the greater evil, help grow his minor ideals into convictions of wrongdoing. After binding with Justice, he became less fun loving, and more focused on the task at hand, the plight of the mages, and telling anyone who would listen to it.

I found both a little irritating, Isabella for the fact that she kept trying to bed me, and Anders for never shutting up.

I really did like them though, despite their being annoying, for they did mean well, and they were kind to me.

There was not much to do today, as Justice would still not speak with me, and Varric had nothing new from his contacts, so I decided to visit Merril. The naive little elf was helpless really, but I like her ramblings, and her blood magic, though dangerous, had never done harm to anyone but herself. I knocked lightly at her door.

"By the Dread Wolf!" I heard her call, likely appalled at the state of her shabby little home, "I'm coming! Just a moment." When she opened the door she smiled brightly at me, and then embraced me in a hug. "Oh Hawke! It's nice of you to visit. Come in come in. Would you like anything? I have... Water."

"Actually, please. I'm parched."

Merrill, despite being naive and a bit silly, knew more than she let on, and I had some questions for her.

Merrill and I talked about missions and our group for a while, then moved on to the kind elf across the way whom she had a crush on. Finally I had had enough. "Merrill," I asked suddenly "Can you keep a secret?"

She nodded vigorously. "Of course. Anything you tell me will be safe with me."

"You can't even tell your friends, or mine, or both of ours. not unless I say it is okay."

"I promise," She said seriously, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Can you help me learn who I am?" I nearly shouted

"Oh, thats easy you are Hawke." She answered instantly

"I mean beyond that. There is something on the edge of my memory, something about me from before I was born. I know it sounds weird but, I feel like I do not belong here, on thedas." I closed my eyes, it felt good to finally speak of it. "I know, that when I am in the fade in my dreams, I feel a loss, like coming home from a party to find your beautiful home ransacked. I also know that I am not like a normal non-magical being. There is something magic like about me, but i do not hold the ability to cast. Lastly, when I am near Flemeth I feel closer to myself, like I am ready to remember, and I even glimpse the future. I knew when we were talking to her that I would get my families manor back, but at the cost of... something. That I cant remember. Its like my memory fades in and out, but I don't know why." I was surprised to feel the slight lump in my throat, and I tried to swallow it, in hopes that if I succeeded I would not cry.

Merrill was quiet for a moment, I could see the gears working in her head. She lifted her hand and a light grew from it, she turned it towards me, and went over my body slowly, contemplating. I saw her fall back into her First to the Keeper skin, and she looked intently at me. "You are not crazy, and there is nothing physically off by you. The only thing I notice is a strong spirit, very bright, and kind, and forceful and unforgiving when it needs to be. All I can give you in way of answer is an elvish childrens tale." She looked sad then for a moment, "but I doubt it will help"

I sighed deeply. "Its okay, thank you though Merrill." At least it was something, I thought as I embraced her and left her home. Kind, forceful, and sometimes unforgiving, it was better than the nothing I had before. I wanted to know so badly though, what my past in the fade was, I thought it might help me in this human body of mine, the knowledge of the fade, but fate is fickle as they say, and it seemed I was not meant to know. Perhaps it was a punishment for deciding to leave. I wished I could speak to Imperious, perhaps he had learned something in his time as a Grey warden, but unless he came to find me, it would be unlikely of my seeing or hearing from him anytime soon, for we didn't know where the other was.

It was a little frightening, to think about what I had lost in my decision. I could not dwell on it however, for now I had a new job. I would protect my family with all my might. That would be my distraction.

* * *

After speaking with Ninettes husband, and then with a Templar who was nice enough for my tastes despite Anders' continuous disagreements about it, I found a trail in the foundry district, and, though the man got away, I found a severed hand, and a bag of bones with a ring in it. It was a little unsettling, truthfully, but I tried not to think that there was a murderer on the streets targeting women.

We had been paid well though, so Isabella Varric Anders and I decided to have a round of ale at the hanged man. We were walking boisterously down the streets, laughing and chattering like school children, poking fun at funny noises demons and dead things made. Varric had begun the description of our endeavors, loudly, so we could not, not hear him, when I noticed a flick of white in the corner of my eye. I was sure not to snap my head in that direction, so as not to startle whomever was looking towards us. I acted innocent, simple staring at the scenery, when I finally settled my eyes on him, even for a second. He was about 200 yards ahead of us, and on a roof, outlined by the moon.

It was almost mystical, really. Like a story out of my fathers old books. But, as we grew closer, and he shied behind the lip of the building he was on, I heard something. it was quiet, and high pitched, but beautiful, in an apocalyptic kind of way. The noise was haunting, and I searched for the source, spinning and turning quickly in the street. "Do you hear that?" I asked no one. "Its beautiful..."

"I hear it." Anders said, as though he were listening closely. "It sounds like lyrium."

"LIke Lyrium?" Isabella scoffed. "Lyrium doesn't have a sound."

"You are more than wrong. Lyrium sings." Anders gushed, as though he worshiped it. When I glanced towards him I saw the slight shade of blue behind his irises, and knew it wasn't entirely him. "It is nearly inaudible in its watered down form, the potions that we take as mages, or the enchantments on your weapons, but pure, raw, unrefined lyrium, though massively poisonous, sings a song to those in tune, namely; mages, spirits, demons, and sometimes mundanes with magic in their veins." he explained

"It's beautiful" I said again, "but it also frieghtens me. It makes me feel drunk, and I havent even had a pint yet."

"we should remedy that." Varric said and we all wholeheartedly agreed. The song faded as we walked on by, and I didn't hear it again for nearly a month.


	4. In the Name of Irony

It had taken Anso nearly a month to find someone who could possibly help me, then a week more to gain contact. By the night they were supposed to meet, I had a lead on Danarius being in the city, and having laid a trap for me in the alienage, likely believing I would hide there.

It was pitiful really, how little effort he put into his traps, or maybe the men he hired were just lazy, and had cut corners, but either way it would end in their deaths.

When I met with anso after the meeting he said that he had sent a group of four to the alienage to retrieve his stolen 'lyrium' and they were likely there now. I paid the dwarf and went on my way. I traveled by rooftop to reach the alienage, which turned out to be in my advantage, I saw the hidden group of slavers before they saw me, which ended in their painful deaths, then I found the leader of this group and put my hand through his chest, "Be quiet, and I wont rip it out." I snarled at the man, listening to the conversation in the courtyard between a woman who wasn't taking the conversation seriously, and a slaver calling for his first lieutenant. I ripped a lung from his chest and pushed him forward, towards the stairs.

He uttered a weak "captain..." before he fell. I knew he would not rise.

"Your men are dead. and you are out numbered."I shoulder checked him as I walked past, looking at the small group who had killed such a large group of slavers by themselves, and in an ambush. The slaver put a hand on my shoulder and tried to turn me.

"Be quiet, slave" He snapped at me.

I lit my markings, rage igniting pain and shoved my hand through the mans chest and out his back. I looked him in the eye as he began to fall. "I am not a slave."

I turned back to the group, and looked to them sheepishly. This was the moment of truth. I opened my mouth to speak when the woman in front spoke. "Well. Thats new."

"I am sorry about the poor act that Anso lead you through in tricking you to come here, but I could not have beaten these slavers alone. You see they are trying to retrieve lost property, namely myself." I did a slight at-the-hip bow.

The woman crossed her arms. I could see tattoos across her arms leading up into her tunic. Her hair was blonde and down to her mid back, but in a loose braid. Her eyes were blue, but in the little light we had this moonless night they looked almost ghostly. I counted at least five spots in which there was a slight raise in her clothing, indicating hidden daggers, plus the ones on her back. She had a lose belt on over her shirt, which was tucked in, that held several different flasks. "Well, If they were slavers I'm glad to have helped. But why not just ask for the help? Why all the smoke and mirrors?"

"I could not afford to have the possibility of being sold out to Danarius, whom would pay a handsome sum for my return. I am afraid I must ask your assistance once more before I pay you. I have found that Danarius is hiding in a mansion in High Town. Please, Help me rid the world of my former master." I spat his name and the word master, just the thought of either made my blood boil.

"My name is Hawke." The woman said calmly "And my friends and I will help you."

"I thank you. I will pay you after we raid his mansion. He is staying in hightown, and I know where. Follow me." I turned and walked away, not looking to see if she was following me. As I stormed the paths to hightown I could hear Hawke and her companions chatting lightly behind me. I heard the dwarf mention something about money owed and an expedition, the woman who looked like Hawke but had dark hair questioned her sense in helping me without any background information, which I could agree with. For all they knew i was leading them into a death trap. I wasn't, but I could be. The scantily clad woman agreed with the dwarf that if nothing else they would get their moneys worth. They seemed sure of their abilities, all I had to do was hope their pride was well placed.

* * *

Danarius had fled the mansion, when, I could not be sure, but he left in a hurry. I told Hawke she and her friends could take what they wished from the mansion, as I had no use for the worldly items, and walked swiftly out the front door.

Hawke's companion, I discovered, was a mage. A powerful one. They left the mansion chattering like maids with gossip on the latest adulterer among them, and stopped near me. "I have been running for so long, only to have magic hound me at every corner." I said, mostly to myself. Hawke answered.

"Well, The magic that summoned those demons is no more. That mansion is safe, at least. " She rubbed the back of her neck, and cracked it loudly.

"I must warn you, you harbor a viper in your midst. She may be well meaning for now, but all they wish to do is gain power, and she will betray you." I growled to Hawke, though I was looking over her shoulder at the woman with a staff.

The woman replied, "do not speak of me as though I am not here," But I did not notice, I watched as Hawkes eyes went from playful, to deadly, and I felt as though she were looking into my very soul, past present and future. Under the lanterns I could see that her eyes were in fact a white blue. I shuddered away.

"You will not speak of my sister in such a manner. I did not hear you complaining when she saved your hide, and mine, with those rage demons." Her voice was cold and quiet, but seemed to boom around the courtyard.

"Do not think me unwise. I know mages have their uses. If I seem ungrateful nothing could be further from the truth." I handed her my coin purse, and bowed slightly again, afterwards cursing myself and her for making me feel I had too.

She crossed her arms, her hip jutting to the side slightly, her eyes no longer angry, just annoyed. She tossed the coin purse to the dwarf, Varric, and waved them away. "bela, could you take Bethany home for me?" The pirate nodded, and took the mage towards the stairs of the courtyard, towards lowtown. "Varric, I'll meet you in hightown in about an hour. Order me the strongest drink you can think of." The dwarf, with a skeptical look at me, and a nudge towards his crossbow, left after the pirate and mage.

"What are you?" I snapped after they left. "Eyes of a mage, yet you use no spells. Do you deny your magic?"

"I am not a mage. I was born of a mage, my mothers family has mage blood, and my sister is a mage, but I can not cast magic anymore than your average dwarf." She crossed her arms, looking expectantly at me, as though knowing my next argument.

"The way you bleed into the shadows..." I began

"Is the art of the Shadow. a rouge learns to engulf themselves in the fade, and distort their image enough to be unseen, and in some cases, gain the ability to have attacks go through them, without causing harm." She sighed like she was speaking to a child "Surely you have heard or read about it somewhere, its a favorite in tevinter."

I did know that, the mages of lesser blood would often train as rogues and warriors as well, and would sell their service, but i would not tell her that. She was looking at me, or past me it seemed, and I snapped "What?"

"Do you.. do you know why you don't have lyrium poisoning? I'm sorry to ask, its just, to have raw lyrium branded into your skin..."

"I do not know. But I know it is what gives me my worth, not simply my prowess as a bodyguard. He will have to rip it from my corpse if he wants it back." I growled.

"That, my dear Fenris, would be a waste of a perfectly handsome elf." I started at her words, but wasn't given time to digest as she continued "Well, I am going on an expedition to the deep roads soon, and am currently taking many job offers. If you need some extra coin..." She pulled a piece of paper from a flask on her belt and jotted something down on it, then handed it to me "That is my address. If I am not there I am at the hanged man. Perhaps we can help each other." and she promptly left.

I stared at the paper in my hand, the squiggled lines jumbled together as they were made no sense to me. I walked back into the mansion and began to clean up. The bodies of the demons had already bled back into the fade, but the lessers already smelled of rot, and the human bodies had already stiffened. I passed by a blotch of red in the foyer, and recognized it as Hawkes from the rage demon, after it had clawed her stomach open. I remembered her words "You weren't complaining when she saved your hide, and mine." and I seethed a bit, then also recalled "That would be a waste of a perfectly handsome elf"

What was her game? Common sense told me she was flirting with me, it was an obvious complement, followed by her giving me her address. Though it felt nice knowing she thought so highly of me as to think i could read said address, her eyes revealed her for what she really was. I was determined to find that out.

* * *

Hawke had dragged me along on many different adventures these last months, and though she now had paid Bartrand her share for the expedition, it wasn't for another month, and she wanted to be sure her mother and gamlen would eat while they were gone.

Hawke, despite my suspicion against her, seemed to have no flaw in her facade. She acted perfectly human, and no matter how angry she got, she never released any magical discharge, as most mages did when angry. She was kind, though not naive, she often discussed with me whom I thought would work best as a group for a specific mission. There was one point where she took myself and anders on a trip off of the wounded coast because of a letter she received anonymously. Anders whined about how one life was worth less than many, but Hawke had seen the blood magic just as I had, and though I had wanted to kill them, Hawke cajoled them, and they returned to the circle, hoping for leniency.

I still had doubts that she was entirely human, but I knew she did things based on how common sense said it would end. She knew that those mages would have been caught, she knew the boy Feynriel would likely not have learned how to control his off balance magic in the circle without killing someone, even though I disagreed. I think, she also knew that her group of misfits would die for her, despite their own happenings.

I really only liked Hawke and Varric, and I really only disliked Anders and Merrill. The in between didn't really bother me.

We were going to Sundermount today, and Hawke had brought Merrill Varric and myself. Merrill led the way to the top, as she knew where all of the resources Hawke wanted were, Varric trailed behind her, idly listening to her chatter about this plant and that, ones who had been elves that had angered the gods, ones that worked well with Halla cheese and stew. I stopped listening altogether when I heard Hawke begin to hum a tune. It was slow, and gentle, but empty as though it were missing its words.

"What is that you are humming?" I asked, as she cut some deathroot from the foliage.

"an old song. I don't know where I know it from, but I think my father sang it to me when I was a baby. I don't know the words. " She spoke as though she were not entirely there, like she were remembering something from times long past her age.

"Its very beautiful," I said softly. "It reminds me of a song I heard in Tevinter once, a song of Fate and longing." I heard her suck in a quick breath, and realized she had sliced her finger slightly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I was just distracted." She hissed as she poured a bit of red liquid on her finger, cleaning the wound. She stood straight up and looked past me to varric and Merrill as they, too, harvested some resources, Varric working on some raw lyrium he found by the cave exit, and Merrill carefully plucking up the roots of some embrium. "Alright you two, we should head out, I've got plenty for the expedition." Hawkes voice had become clear again, no longer blocked by memory, and on the journey back down I realized that she often hummed this song when we were not doing anything but traveling, as though it was something she did without knowing.

The more I listened the more I recognised the tune, and by the time we arrived at the hanged man I was sure it was the same song as in Tevinter. I laughed slightly to myself, perhaps it was a little ironic.

Varric launched straight into a story for his adoring fans as we entered the noisy bar, about how Hawke had taken down ogres and witches and whole packs of wolves single handedly to retrieve the simplest of items. Merril was raptured, regardless that she had been on our peaceful nonviolent hunt for the very items we retrieved. Hawke and I sat in the far corner of the bar, she was grinning over her mug of whatever she decided the day called for.

"You let him tell such lies about you, and you encourage him. why is that?" I questioned

"He loves it, and I like to see him happy. It does not hurt to have a reputation as well, I would bet ten sovereigns that its saved us more times than not. Think about it, say, you kill a wolf, and in turn accidently save my life. Varric takes this happenstance, and tells people it was a blight wolf. When people tell their friends, they up it as well, whether by accident or on purpose. The story then says that it was a barenskarn that you killed, and you knew that i needed saving. By the time it reaches the end of its cycle, You have grown four feet, have been touched by the maker, saved me from an archdemon because we were lovers. See what I'm saying?"

"Not really no." I laughed, lightly, the thought of people believing such nonsense was amusing.

"What I am saying is, every story is built off of some truth. People know you didn't actually kill an archdemon, but they will assume it was something big like that. They think it was simply mistaken and it was actually just a high dragon, but its still a damned high dragon, and no one is going to mess with someone who has killed a high dragon." She shrugged, and I understood. "I let him tell his stories because he is also credible. he basically runs the merchants guild, and has his fingers in everyones pie."

"He only refers to you as Hawke, Come to think of it, we all do. Do you have a first name?" I asked

"Amaryllis" She said softly. "Mother calls me Amy."

I couldn't stop myself from thinking her name was beautiful, and that it fit her very well, but I did stop myself from telling her so. I watched as Isabella climbed onto a table and danced with Merrill, who was having just as much fun. I looked at my untouched mug at the same time as Hawke. "You never drink. are you some sort of straight edge?" She looked at me with a crooked smirk showing that she was not serious, in case I could not hear the dripping sarcasm.

"I drink only the finest wines, m'lady. I would never disgrace myself by drinking this swill." I replied with equal sarcasm.

"Hey, it may be swill, but its good swill" She laughed back. "why don't you show me some of your fine wine, good sir? I hear you live in a mansion in hightown. Surely someone of your status would have something worthwhile."

"Is that an actual request or a sarcastic one?" I laughed

"Both I suppose, which ever you would like."

"Well, I haven't been raving drunk with anyone before. perhaps I have been missing out. everyone else seems to have fun." I said gesturing to isabella and Merrill, both thoroughly smashed.

As we walked to my mansion I caught myself gazing at Hawke, and debating her name. She was indeed beautiful, as was the flower she was named for, but that flower was also finicky, it could not stand cold, or too much heat, or humidity, the conditions had to be perfect in order for the flower to bloom, whereas Hawke adapted to every situation, and seemed to thrive in all conditions.

I had Hawke start a fire in my room as I went to the wine cellar. the aggregio pavali caught my eye, and I smiled widely. how delicious it would taste after all those years of pouring it for my old master? I grabbed the bottle, and went up stairs. I stopped before the the line of light spilling from my room, and stared. Hawke had taken off her chest piece and shoulder pads, leaving her in a thin slightly stained black long sleeved shirt. She stared into the fire as though it would tell her secrets she desperately wanted to know, and I could not help but to feel sorry for her. I had caught her in a moment of vulnerability, and despite her flawless facade, it was just as I thought it was: a facade. Though it was not to cover up for being a mage, I could see now, it was to cover up for a loss.

After I remembered that She was waiting on me, and I went into my room, we talked for a few hours before I remembered the wine. I found that her brother had died before she came to Kirkwall, and she had taken blame, from herself and her own mother. The last fact made me seethe with rage. I told her a bit about Tevinter, and how my first memories were of the marks. When she asked how long i had been on the run, I was careful to be vague enough so she would be satisfied, but also so I would not have to speak of the fog warriors.

I was not nearly drunk enough for that.

Plus, she did not speak of something that I knew she wanted to. She was weary as I was of this new person we were beginning to call friend. It shocked me for a moment, to call this woman Hawke a friend, what _was_ a friend really? I could not remember what that was, but if I were to define it off of what she had shown me, the prospect did not seem as frightening as I first thought. I brought out the Aggregio Pavali, and took a deep swig. "Aggregio Pavavali. There were eight bottles in the cellar. Danarius used to have me pour this to the guests, he loved how I frightened them."

"I can't see why you frightened them, " She said lightly, and then quietly to herself "You are quite nice to look at,"

"What?" I asked flushing slightly

"Nothing, just talking to myself." She laughed and smiled at me from her spot on the chair. "I imagine you've given Danarius a stroke, simply for looking at that bottle."

I smirked and took another swig, letting it sit in my mouth for a moment. I looked at the bottle after I swallowed, and hucked it against the wall. I turned to Hawke. "Its nice I can still take pleasure in the little things."

"You could have offered me a glass first," She said

"There is more in the cellar, if you so wish."

"Perish the thought, how else would you redecorate the walls?." She smirked at me, and I laughed, taken aback by the statement. My mind moved to a different subject.

"I thought to leave my past behind. Do you want to return to Ferelden?"

"Maybe someday," She said softly, leaning back on her arms. "Something tells me I will be here awhile though. I go where fate calls."

"Interesting." I hadn't realized I said it outloud until she asked me to elaborate. "The song you hum, I think I know what it is."

"Really now?"

"Yes, and old song I heard, of origins I do not know. Its title, ironically, is Amaryllis" SHe sucked in a breath and let it out in a slight laugh. "The song speaks of fate and longing, and I remember one lyric, ' all the uninvited tragedies, step outside.' I believe it speaks of getting past events and continuing on."

"Thats intriguing. I will look into it." She looked to the fire again.

"Do you truly not want to return to your home land?" I asked

"It is a fond idea, I will admit, but home is where the heart is, as they say, and my heart is with my family, despite their flaws."

"But still, to have the option. It must be nice." I replied. she asked me about where I was from, and I found myself giving vague two worded answers. I could see her annoyance.

"Why not make a home here?" she finally asked me

"I could see myself making a home here, for the right reasons." She smiled at me, and we sat a while longer, drinking and speaking idly of battle tactics and provisions. " I should thank you again, for helping me with that trap." I remembered suddenly, "Had I known that anso would find a woman so capable, perhaps I would have asked him to search for you sooner," I tried

"Perhaps it is I who is the lucky one," She replied quickly, and I stood

"Perhaps I will practice my flattery for your next visit?" I smiled "With any luck I may actually be able to compete with you." She laughed and I walked with her to the door. She waved good bye to me, and I waved back. I turned to shut the door, then decided to look back once more, only to see she was gone.


End file.
